Colorless

The sound of grass softly crunching underneath light weight was heard somewhere deep in the Viridian Forest.

“Don’t stray too far away Rat-chan!” a voice was heard, one that was clearly female and very cheerful. There something strong and firm about the girl’s voice and yet something soft that gave off the motherly vibe. Purple boots were seen standing, a couple feets away was a tan colored overgrown rat with buck teeth that stood firmly against each other. The rat nodded in response and began to run deeper into the forest with it’s tail whipping slightly at the swift movements.

The female sighed out. It was one that was calm and sounded a bit tired. “I’m suppose to meet the others in three hours…” she mumbled to herself. Her golden maize hair was being brushed by the gentle breeze passing by her. Slowly as if her body was made of steel, she slumped against the tree nearby, looking up at the cloudless sky. She focused emeralds eyes more, her maize eyebrows twitching into a knot. She looked confused and unpleased with something in the simple sky.

Her arms dropped at her side and bumped against the tree truck slightly. They swayed signaling that she had given up on controlling her body. Her knees bent and her head lumped towards the side. By the hollow look in her eyes, she didn’t just give up on holding her arms, but pretty much on everything around her. Once her bum was on the grassy ground, she quickly -with slop- bent her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. Without even trying her face became buried, her hair sprawled all over her back.

The girl’s bangs covered any visible skin that may have been displayed. This girl was Heiwamoto Yellow. She was one of the five Kanto Pokémon Pokedex Holder, Dexholders for shorter terms. Her petit fingers started to grip her black long sleeves tighter. Her forearms twitched by a slight, if you didn’t pay attention you would have missed it.

Lately,

The blonde made a sigh and slowly pulled back her head. She move as if she didn’t have any energy left in her.

My emotions started going haywire.

With a slump her head was against the tree, staring out into the lush forest. Only, it didn’t seem to lushful to her.

It’s probably the result of keeping too many things inside.

Her shoulder eased up but her arms didn’t budge from their current position - around her knees.

No, I’m positive that’s what it is.

Her legs created some distance so that it wasn’t against her thighs. Her arms started to loosen their grip around her knees and rested around her shins. The blue jeans she was wearing was rather scruffy looking.

Can I ask you something? Um… do you like how you turned out? I’ve always wondered this… things aren’t probably as you thought it would be huh?

b-but that doesn’t mean it’s not horrible right? There are good things in your life.

I wonder though… how will you deal with my pain? How will you deal with my way of sight…?

Maybe if I enlighten you… you can help me find the answers I’m seeking for?

Do you…

… do you think you can do that for me?

… …

Ahah, you’re kind. Don’t ever forget that…

Yellow positioned her head upwards, wanting to take in the cloudless sky’s scenery. Her expression soften up more, she looked a lot less tense and light was returning to her emerald orbs. However the light was dim, barely hanging on.

As you know, my mother died, I never really got over that to be honest. For most of the time I’ve known her, she was always sad. Even when she was laughing… smiling… I can still feel the sadness in them. Maybe that’s why I can pick up any signs of sadness..?

I never understood why she was sad. But after she disappeared… unfortunately… I understood perfectly.

Her loose fingers tighten around their counterparts. The blonde’s forearms tensed up again, even at the mere thought of that made her cringe and ache with pain. In her throat she held back any strained noises that wanted to escape. Her lips twitched like a wave and went back to it’s straight line.

I don’t think anyone’s ever noticed the hidden sadness in my voice… if they did, then they never called me out on it. I prefer it that way… I don’t want to be a burden to others… surely you can understand… right?

Feeling her voice start to fade, she gave herself an encouragement nod to keep going. Her petit fingers loosen up and her shoulders went back to ease.

I… want to be strong. I want the others around me to find strength in my smile… in my words.. Like he had given me the strength…

It’s… bittersweet. I’m happy that my friends knows I can be a shoulder for them to lean on when they need a break. Or when they’re too weak to keep walking their path. They know that I’ll be cheering, that I’ll be aiding them in anyway I can…

They’re good people… they won’t take advantage of me. I know that… but sometimes.. I just can’t…

As if picking up on her sadness, the wind blew a bit harder, trying to encourage her to keep talking. The Healer let her eyes fall on the green grass around her. Her eyes became more hazed with sorrow as she did so.

If everyone is leaning on me… who do I lean on for myself? … who will grab my hand and help me through the dark forest when I get lost…? I… I need to be strong… but sometimes I just can’t…

It was enough for me before… what kept me smiling was my friends. The living beings around me, who cared about me vice versa…

Lately,

Yellow slumped against the tree again, her eyes shifted back to the cloudless sky. She regain more of her composure, now looking unpleased with the sky again. The ends of her lips falling downwards only by a bit. She unhook her fingers from each other and gripped the edge of her jeans, her elbows bending slightly from this new position.

The colors that were white are now becoming grey. And the things that were grey are… now becoming black… everything’s… colorless.

I’ve lost the colors to my heart a long time ago. I’ve never really minded, it was hard to miss something you barely had…

Though sometimes… when I’m with them… I can see more and more.. Of these so called “colors” more clearly.

I know what’s suppose to be green, and what’s suppose to be red. But I never really… saw them… vividly.

And they’ve gave me chances to see it that way. I… am grateful to them for those chances.

The Healer let an amused chuckle erupt from her throat. Though it never actually made it passed her lips, it was still there, bright and cheerful. Her almost non-existent frown turn into a more visible smile. Soft and hesitate, as if allowing herself to smile would cause more pain, but will always take it away.

As quickly as it came, her smile vanished without a trance, her face going back to that unpleased expression. Her eyes never left the faded see through cloud that tried to form. She kept staring, as if that would help it gain a more solid form. Her surroundings changed, at least for her it did. She didn’t see the brown tree bark, or the green grass with a few violet flowers mixed here and there. When she saw was grey. Grey and white, with a few black spots slowing taking over things that were shaded in grey.

The more chances I get… the more I crave them… and the more I come to realize how deep my scars runs. Mama…? Where did you go…? I need you… I… someone… anyone… maybe even you… can you… please.

Please…

…tell me what I need to know…

“How can I keep an invisible smile?”

She was back at the forest again, she snapped out of her daze. Her eyes clearly showed the light it held proudly. As if she was in a total daze just before. The blonde slowly moved her head straight forward and saw the tan colored rat. “Ra…ti..?” the overgrown mouse tilted it’s head at her, concern and confusion flowing through it’s black eyes.

Yellow gave him a small gentle smile. She reached over to him a bit and patted his head, ruffling his spiky short fur. “Mm.. nothing.” she reassured her partner, closing her eyes in her smile to help prove she was alright. Her partner Pokémon seem to buy it and nodded, curling up against her side. “Hey, Rat-chan?” the Raticate peeked open it’s left eye at her voice. “What do you say to some Oran Smash?”

Quickly the Raticate smiled and was on it’s tiny feets faster than she can blink. She giggled calmly at the action and pulled her knees closer to her body. Letting her palms lift her bum off the ground. Her maize bangs ruffled in the gentle winds, giving her all the more gentle confident look. Her arms wrapped about the Raticate and picked him up with little effort.

The darkness in my heart…

Yellow pulled her partner close against her chest and heaved herself off the tree.

Is overwhelming the light I have stored…

With a couple steps, she was out of the tree’s shade, giving her hair a more shine from the sun.

However… after talking to you.. I think that maybe… I will find the answer to my question…

Before she continued to walk out of the forest, she turned her torso a bit and looked up at the sky.

and not lose sight of the light.

The cloud she was focusing on before was now firm and solid. Around it was more clouds struggling to form.

I will be strong. I will be someone that others can lean on. I’ll create an invincible smile…

She smiled, more brighter than she had before and turned her body around completely. Her Pokémon was confused by this action but said nothing and waited. She knew the struggling clouds would soon become solid. She knew that everything will be alright.

Maybe not now… or in the near future. But surely, I will reach my goal.

Yellow shifted her gaze from the clouds to the spot she was sitting at a few moments ago. Under the tree where the sun peeked in from the small openings of the leaves. She nodded and smiled sincerely, using the light inside her heart to express her forming gratitude.

Thank you… for listening to me. You’re a kind person… always remember that.

With that, she grasp her partner tighter and walked towards the path that lead out of the forest. Colors are nice, aren’t they?